EPISODE 2: How To Unveil The Real You with Adeline Heng
In this episode, I chat with Author of "Doing Good and Doing Well, The Keys to a Happy and Healthy Life", and speaker, Adeline Heng about her entrepreneurial journey and how passionate she is into empowering women over 40 to live the life of their dreams and helping them become their best.
She believes that age is not a factor for our dreams. She is a wife and mother of 2 wonderful, almost grown-up children. Her daughter is 22 and her son is 19. Yesterday 9th Aug she wrote a blog post on "Confessions of a Serial Baker" Read more here: http://www.adelineheng.com/stop-clutt...
I love this quote from her blog "Be a collector of experiences NOT things! Nothing can destroy the experiences that you have. These may even count towards your growth as a person. Treasure such experiences instead." I am so excited after I did a testing video with her this morning and we talk about this recent blog post. We had a great conversation and I want to share it with all of you.
SHOW NOTES
Kenneth Choo (Show Host), the author of the book “Mother Industrialist”, initiated a live series featuring inspiring women who live a marvelous balance between parenthood, business/ career, and life.
Aging is not lost of youth but a new stage of opportunity and strength.” -Betty Friedan
From a woman who believe that age is just a number, Adeline Heng make it a mission to change people’s perspective of aging by gracefully living a happy and fulfilling life herself.
The live show started by answering the challenge question left by the first guest Goh Wan Pi, which is, “Between your passion and your children, what would you choose and why?”. Adeleine answered it quite easily since her children have now grown up. At that point of her life, she definitely chose her passion, but if her children needed her, she will always be there for them.She explained that when a woman becomes a mother, responsibilities take over and most moms forget about themselves and devoted their lives attending to their children’s needs. But there will come a time were your children doesn’t need you anymore and will have a life of their own. A mothers usually end up lost of identity (“Identity Crisis”). That is why it is crucial for moms to never forget about what makes them happy other than taking care of their family, which is their passion.
Who is Adeline and what made her decide to have a discovery journey?
Just like everyone else, she worked on a corporate job for 20 years. But unfortunately her personal goals were not met. It was not fulfilling anymore. It was in her late forties when she started her self discovery journey. She realized that her children grow older, doing their own stuff and were becoming independent. She begun to questions herself, “Now that they don't need me anymore, then what do I do?”.
Her self-discovery journey started with the feeling of emptiness inside her. Something was missing in her life so she started looking around. Thankfully she met a group of enthusiastic people where the average age was surprisingly 50 yrs. old. They were so energetic and passionate - they showed her a different version of aging (“the autumn of life”). They defied the perception of an old person, when for most people aging means “gameover“ but for them, they still have their passion to work on. They live with a mission in life. They inspired her that old age doesn’t mean being useless - but the other way around.
Age is just a number.
She is in her fifties and she is proud of it. This has become part of her mission - to tell everyone that “Age is just a number”. Most of the time women are affected by the way they look and the way they feel and this affects their thinking and perception of their own capabilities. But once they broke into the glass ceiling that age is just a number, they will feel the release from the restrictions they created themselves. Age doesn’t have to be a secret or something that should be ashamed of. They can become more confident by being true to themselves. Every day is a new beginning.
About the book: Doing Good and Doing Well - The Keys To A Happy And Healthy Life.
The book was inspired by her publisher Gerry Robert. He reminded her of the dream that she kept inside her heart for 15 years, which is to write a book. That started the ball rolling. She tried to look for herself and in the process of writing the book, it became a documentary about her self-discovery journey. But the self-discovery itself did not stop when the book was published. She had more discoveries that unfold about herself. She gets to know herself even better - who she really is and what she wanted to do.
And from that day forward, her mission is to empower women to know that they deserve a happy, fulfilling and purposeful life. “Everyone has a diamond inside them, and over time insecurities, self- limiting beliefs, conditioning like negativity, responsibilities and many more - it all becomes powdered up and covers up that diamond that is why it cannot shine. But through self-discovery journey and meeting inspiring people, I was able to slowly removed layers and layers of that cover and then when I started to see the light, the world can see my light as well.”
Similarly, she wanted to do the same to all the women out there. Those who are searching and lost for a moment. She will ensure to help them remove all these dirts so that they can shine and the world can see them - because everyone deserves to be happy, fulfilled and to have a purposeful life.
Why she wanted to encourage woman especially those over 40 years old? What is the reason behind it?
She believe that women are very versatile people. From being single to becoming a wife and then transitioning into a mother is quite a journey. As she became a mother, there were a lot changes in her. She had totally forgot about herself. Life is all about her children - her family.. And everything she do is for them. But children grow up.and time will come that they won't need that much help anymore because they wanted to be more independent. - and when that happened, as a mother - she has questioned herself, “What would happen to me then?” So she tend to a job. But the job wasn't that fulfilling. It wasn’t align with who she is. Then she decided to look elsewhere. And then she met a group of encouraging women (Defy Aging) - and gave her a new perception in life where she learned several lessons such as:
A - It is more important to gather experiences rather than to accumulate things..In the society that we have right now, people are driven to get results quickly. They are drown to get instant gratification on things. They tend to forgot that in order to get good things it need time.to build. Even in becoming an entrepreneur, it needs time to create and develop a business. It is about taking steps everyday - reaching milestones after milestones. It is accumulating experiences that really matters.
- “I was happy because I am contented.” There are two aspects of happiness, intrinsic and extrinsic. Extrinsic are all these external factors, anything that money can buy. These can give people satisfaction for a while because after the retail therapy (Shopping to make one self happier.) it cannot help them anymore. Accumulation of things became not meaningful. Being contented is several level lower than being happy. And today I wanted to level up happiness no matter what the circumstances are. And that gave me a new perspective that happiness comes from inside.
The very reason why she wanted to help women especially those who are in their fifties is to give back. Because if not for the group of people that she met that opened up her mind to live her best life, she wouldn’t be on where she is right now. She has been there - done that. She is a living testimony that it is really possible to live your best life no matter what age you are.
About her discovery journey.
It was a process of opening your mind to accept that at her age, her knowledge was surprisingly limited and that she have a lot to learn about.
Meeting the group of friends whom at their age were doing significant things. She realized that life at 60 can be that great. She open her mind to challenge what she currently new and learn what she don’t know yet.. And the moment she let go of control and restrictions (self-limiting beliefs), she was able to see the things that she doesn’t even notice before. She was led to discover a lot more things. And because of that, she became a better version of herself.
Floating By…
She also mentioned about how most mom, tend to totally forget about themselves that from their thirties feels like they float by to old age. And she do not want other women to float by. - not realizing it. Whenever she sees young mother, she remembered herself when she was at that stage of her life. That is why, she is doing this service, to caution young mothers to find out who they really are. Just be aware of that and as they take care of they children, don’t lose that identity, because that’s a nature of a mother. We just give our all. But we need to know that if your cup is not full you cannot give to another cup. We have to take care of ourselves, that we can be there for our children. Never put yourself to the last priority.
Advice to help moms eliminate excuses and start doing.
It all boils down to making a decision. What you want and what are the most important to you?
For instance, money is definitely one of the most important things, but without health, you cannot enjoy money. She was at one point, knew that she needed to exercise. But the lack of time and all the roles that she currently has restricts her. But she made that conscious decision to wake up earlier to spare some time doing a morning ritual, most especially to exercise, before she goes to work. She gave herself enough time to start her day right by doing some morning rituals that help her conquer the day.
Perfection is a cover for Procrastination.
Strong why. “I was a perfectionist and I hid behind that.” Everything seems to be not good enough. And so procrastination has been rolling up. She put off writing for a long time because she feared that she was not good enough. And when she came to realize that she was just using perfection as a cover to procrastination, she decided to just get things done. Just as Gerry Robert says, “Get it out first, then get it right.” Even if its imperfect, nevermind. Test and review.
How to unveil the real you?
As she was on her journey to look for herself, she discovered that she had a lot of insecurities, a lot of conditioning, a lot of ideas that stopped her to become better. But once you remove or unveil those restrictions one by one, the real you will come out. A lot of times people put on a mask to block the world from seeing them because deep down they think that we are not good enough.
She made Disneyland as an example. The park is the stage and all the staffs were the performers. When they go to work, they put on their costumes they step out and put on the show. “How many of us actually do that in our lives?’ We put on our clothes and makeup and the world sees us differently when in reality we are a different person at home. So we can start by asking ourselves about who we are presenting to the world. It is not just an act of presentation anymore but expressing who we really are. And when we began to become true to ourselves, get transformation will happen.
Last Advice:
“Moms don’t forget yourself, spent some time to discover what it is that you are passionate about. Don’t forget your identity. Quit saying I don’t know, and pretend that you know. Change the way you think.”
As the live show ends, Adeline left a very powerful question for the next guest and for the audience as well which is, “What do you want to be remembered for.”
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